Tag: eating disorders
I swallowed the last bite and an overwhelming feeling rumbled inside of me. “I cant believe I ate that,” circled in my head. As if in on repeat. A deep sinking feeling grew in the pit of my stomach. A warm, nauseating bubbling deep within me. Thick and sluggish. Overwhelming. Shame. Shame is heavy, fiery, internal.…
The moment a tablespoon of peanut butter reduced me to tears is etched permanently into my memory. My heart raced and tears streamed down my face. I stared at that peanut butter and was paralyzed with anxiety. Time stood still while that single serving tub of peanut butter taunted me from the cold sterile table.
And this is how anxiety works. I start to jump ahead into the future and all of the possible ways things could go wrong. And they are infinite really. There are so many things that could happen in any given minute. Too many to even predict. Anxiety tells me: I must try to predict every…